Monday, December 10, 2012

A Plate Spinner's Disaster Preparedness Plan

These days, a quick glance at the headlines can be enough to convince anybody that the end must surely be near, what with all of the earthquakes, mega storms, drought, global financial meltdowns, genocide, and perhaps most alarming - the sudden absence of Twinkies from store shelves.

So what can a busy plate spinner do to prepare?

Nothing really, because we just don't have the time, especially with the holidays right around the corner.

Oh. Wait. Maybe we won't have to worry about that after all. Never mind.

In any event, here are some helpful tips to get you and yours ready for any disaster that may or may not be imminent.


1. Transfer all of your electronic calendar entries to a paper-based calendar. I know. Stone-age, right? But, trust me, the last thing you'll want to be in a post-apocolyptic world is late for an appointment.







2. Get your hands on a French press and an old-fashioned nut chopper. How else do you expect to grind and brew coffee beans without electricity? Armageddon or not, a world without java would indeed be hell on earth.






3. Hoard chocolate. When world markets crumble, currency will be worthless. Chocolate, however,  will not only retain its value, but can be used to barter precious items such as batteries, matches and fuel.

4. Teach your kids how to play checkers and shuffle cards. When their electronic devices fail, you'll still want them to be able to entertain themselves but be sure to cut them some slack. Transitioning from flashy hand held devices and video games to board games, and learning how to handle a deck of cards, can be quite daunting.


5. Lastly, plan for alternate modes of communication. As difficult as it is to imagine a world without mobile phones, texting and online networking, it may be time to go retro. I'm talkin' ham radios. But, since I don't know the first thing about them, I'll recommend snail mail instead. Besides, don't forget the postman's motto: "Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds." It captures just about anything a disaster can throw at us, except the absence of Twinkies.

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